Never.

Maybe all I need to do is simultaneously detach and reattach myself to life. If only that was as easy to do as it was to spell, I would be much more confident in my abilities.

It is true, my first resolution for this year was to "Stop obsessing so damn much" and so far, I have failed that miserably. Actually, thinking about how I used to be... I am doing extremely well. It's just that my natural brain patterns are those of worry and dreaming - two states found to be EXTREMELY compliant in the area of obsessing.

Notice how I say obsessing, and not obsession? I was never good at being a fan girl, but worry I do well.

I still hurt, but it is back to manageable levels today... mostly.

I have a new favorite spot to sit, though I will have to be careful about any of the RAD people seeing me up there.

I cannot tell if it is that I take things as they are presented to me, or that I choose to trust those around me... but I am extraordinarily easy to trick.

Be aware though, if you trick me... I will never fully trust you again. Never. This is not a point I bend on, nor one that I have any wish to. I hate, beyond most other things in this life, being lied to or consciously misled for the purposes of others amusement.

I still hurt.