Life and Times of one Carolyn Tigerpants

Sooooo...

Went to my friends party after much debating with myself about how much I would have rather been spending time with my family... still not sure I made the right choice. There was much drama, much drinking that I didn't do, many drunk females wanting to see my piercing... And then my friend S and her bf just lost it. There were reasons behind it, but it was extremely awkward to be one of the 5 people just chilling in the living room while there was big bad going on in another room. Eventually it got sorted and we went to Dick's for fries and milkshakes. (Can I mention... wait. Who the hell am I asking? Fuck. Anyways... One of the girls who was at the party was with her boyfriend of ONE WEEK and was... I don't have the words. Affectionate? Loving? I was just (other than envious) wishing I could be that way. Hard to explain)

Anyways, also went to Castle Megastore, which was hella sleazy. I would not choose to go there... even the stores in my area are better than that. If I am going *shopping* in Seattle at a time I choose, it's going to be at Babeland.

Eventually got back to K's place and then they dropped me at my car and I went to my aunts place. Got there around 2am, passed out to the Olympic Games around 3:30. Woke around 8, went to the dog park (I miss my puppy so much... going home, his food dishes are still out, his stuff is still around, I still check to make sure he isn't outside... the hell with this dying thing.)

Anyway, dog park, then back to my aunts place. THIS IS WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE. But I didn't. This caused/helped with badness later. My grandparents showed up and took my Aunt and I to my... grandaunt's and granduncle's 60th wedding anniversary. 60 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. Not life, MARRIAGE. I honor their commitment and at the same time go... Bleh. It was nice, luncheon with the family, and telling stories about their life together, but they don't seem to really like each other anymore. Though my standards are high, I would like to still LIKE someone I had been with that long (thoughtheygotmarriedcauseshegotpregnantthefirsttimetheyhadsexanditwasthe'50s).

We left and drove back to my Aunt's, and then my Aunt and I passed out for a few hours from sheer exhaustion, then woke up and watched Eddie Izzard (SHE LOANED ME HER DISC OF HIS SO NOW I HAVE IT AHHHHHH!) and ate Thai food. Yummmmmy.

I left her house around 8pm and nearly died on the way home a few times due to shitty windshield wipers and heavy rain. Got home around 9:45, and called my Dad to ask him to help me bring stuff inside. He came out and was royally pissed because I hadn't come home earlier (the part where I foreshadowed badness? This is it). He wouldn't tell me why though, so I curled back up into my car and cried for a few hours. Yes, a few hours. I played out conversations I need to have with people, and that made me cry, and I thought about losing my mom and that made me cry... thinking about the people I like and am so very confused about made me cry. Being frustrated with people and feeling completely impotent and helpless made me cry.

Went in the house around 12midnight, my dad didn't even catch on to the fact that I had been crying (even though my birthmark lights up when I do) and I went to bed.

TODAY... oh wait, yesterday. Had a bad dream about a spider of GIANTNESS and was woken up at 8 to go to church to raise money by serving a pancake breakfast to whomever wanted to come. We made nearly 400 dollars of the 500 needed though so YAY! (It's going towards paying for some of the costs of us (S,S,A and myself) going to DC for a conference called SEAT, which is sexuality education and advocacy training. And leaving my house my leg got caught on a metal hook thing that not only tore through my jeans, it also ripped into my left shin area. It doesn't look too bad, but damn did it hurt. Only hurts now if I touch it.

Church. Sam was there... fuck. He is FAR too young, and has a cute girlfriend his own age, and yet I am still interested. He chose to stay and hang out with me instead of going into church, and... I am choosing to think of what Ari said after spending time with us. "If he isn't interested in you, he is interested by you." And that is what I must cling to. Texted Adrian throughout the morning/afternoon.

After church, Kels and Si and I went for coffee (water for me) and talked about the various ridiculous things in our lives that are stressing us all the hell out. Ok, really, the things that are stressing me and Si out. Si may or may not be preggers, we find out tomorrow or the day after. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Went home, chilled in my room for a few hours, got up and helped my dad and sis out (He apologized for the craziness the night before) with stuff around the house, and then went to Costco where I bought a few books and some cereal. I like cereal.

Got a few movies and came back to the house and watched them. I am now in my own bed thinking and writing and thinking some more.

Things to write future essays about:
How My Mommy Died
My Issues (Volume 1, 2, 3, etc)
Sex and What it Means to Me