February is a...

...bitch of a month. This morning (2/1), Mambo was put to sleep with my daddy there to hug and cuddle him to the end. I cried all morning until I had to go to class. Tomorrow (2/3) is both my Mom's birthday and the 9th anniversary of the day we found out she had brain tumors. The 6th is my Grandma's birthday (not a bad thing), and then the 14th is Single's Awareness Day. Two of my friends are having birthday parties and want me to come home, not the mention family parties and my birthday coming up... fuck. I hate leaving here every weekend.

“But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work" they say "Mark lives for his work"
and "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work
From facing your failure,
facing your loneliness
facing the fact you live a lie.
Yes, you live a lie
tell you why
you're always preaching not to be numb when that's how you thrive
you pretend to create and observe when you really detach
from feeling alive”
-Goodbye Love from Rent

I identify far too much with Mark in that passage, far far too much.

Good parts of today, waking up and feeling somewhat rested, even if my last few dream segments were BEYOND horrible. The text from Adrian that pretty much made my morning, actually liking what clothes I threw on, not falling asleep in class (though it was close). Eating a croissant and lentils and couscous and sorbet... and icky McD's that made me sick (first time I had eaten there in at least a year, but of course I forgot the hurts me part until I finished eating). Thats not good, but part of today. Ummmmm... co-op for foods and MY YOGURT OF DELICIOUSNESS... this music here that I am listening to. Ignoring my hmwk and having a human cuddle/puzzle on my bed and looking at the moon. Doing one of my essays in class so now I only have 3 to do. Attractive guy in my class being there. The fact that a character named Samus Aran(from Metroid thingys) fucks like a tiger. Getting the pictures from camp onto my computer, even if they make me miss camp. Exploring the internet with Ari and Alex (and holy shit do they need remedial sex ed classes... well. Sex toys classes at least :P) Getting to spend time in my room with other people, getting to talk to Adrian for a bit (even if he was kept off the computer after a few), talking to Tyler about his girly-possibilities, reading webcomics, taking a nap, feeling air and rain against my skin, getting odd looks from people for singing out my window.

I'm sure I could think of more, but I really should get on those essays... and by that I mean I may not be going to sleep tonight... well fuck. Its 5am already.

Adrian got on... Sleep is so not happening.