These days

So. Fuck.

Lets see here kids...

Did yardwork in humidity and heat so that I was LITERALLY dripping.

The new scar on my leg (from the falling-down-the-stairs incident) was sweating, and that's just fucking weird.

So, did that for a few hours, then kinda lost my shit. Too much time surrounded by people, and too hot, and in pain...

My dad made me stop working and go take a shower and breathe. And I did. And then I ate food, and felt much better.

Spent a few hours after lunch talking to MomMom about her pictures and hearing her stories of her family and seeing pictures of her and PopPop when they were young...

Oh god, the clothes were amazing, and the stories just as much. Wish I had a recorder or something so that we could get these stories...

Dad and Claire got back and we all had dinner, and then I got on the computer and didn't get off until, oh, lets say around 3am here.

Internet time: Ari and Alex and I are FUCKING AMAZING.

The story of Penisis and Vageena. It must happen.

Also, kiiiiinda fucking spilled my guts to Ma2. Kinda. Maybe? Except not really, just told the truth. I'm liking the truth.

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FUCK this shit.

I have never EVER allowed myself to be attracted to 'other girl's guys' before. And this year? Fuck, this LAST 6 MONTHS? Yeah, managed to get attracted to two guys who happen to both have or have had 'things' with two of my favorite girlpeople.

'Things' being an ambiguous term that can mean anything from 'liked' to 'had sex with' back to 'had a crush on'.

Ha. Cause I'm so very fucking sneaky. Cause NO ONE will figure out what/who/when/where/how/why I'm referencing.

Nope. No one.

On the other hand, both dudes have far too much charisma for their own good.

And on the other other hand...

I am so very fucking thankful that both girlwomenpeople in question A) still love me and B) don't hate me, and are being fucking fantastic about all of this.

I love you, for reasons that have nothing to do with this ^, and reasons that have everything to do with it.

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So then I went to sleep eventually, singing to myself.

Had a dream of oddness, though getting serenaded by a guy in warrior dress was interesting...

Especially as he had just kicked my ass with his powers.

Fuck. I just realized where that blue lightening came from... That star wars game the guys were playing!

Oh fuck, I totally forgot,

ACTUAL LIGHTENING AND THUNDER AND NO RAIN WHICH SUCKED BUT LIGHTENING!

Made a video.

It's on youtube, cause, you know. I can.

And THEN I got online.

So then no rain, but today was a balmy... something degrees and MUCH less humidity and still friggin hot.

Tomorrow (Wed) we head for NYC and I will have no comp to upload anything, so will have to do my best to remember everything and take lots of pics and shiz like it.

Cemetery field trip + photoshoot anyone?

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So today, woke up around 10:30, had breakfast, read the paper, theeeen read a book? I have no idea.

OH YEAH. So, read part of a book, and then we went to lunch with the my dad's dead brothers' wife. Which was pretty good, talked a lot... Was pretty much like having lunch with family that you don't know well at all.

And then we went shopping, my dad and sis and I, because... well. Because my daddy is a very nice man and he was trying to get the shopping done here (vs. NY)... silly man.

I found leggings that are awesome, and a necklace that I loved but as a broke person and with my dad being the out-loud voice, (and it being $60) meant no pour moi.

And then went to a lingerie shop I had glanced at on the way into town AND THEY HAD MY SIZE YES. Not a huge selection but considering I was a 36 G-H today, that's not a great surprise :P.

So, got a bra. $90 bra :S.

Luckily, my daddeh paid for it, (especially lucky considering the last time I bought bras he said he would never pay for them again) and he paid for the leggings.

So, my budget for NYC is 210 dollars. I'm going to be COMPLETELY broke at the end of that... Esh.

And THEN we drove around for quite a few hours looking at the beautimous land and seeing my ancestral homes and pretty things. I would love to do that drive with friends, though the cross-country road trip plan should fulfill that need :D

And then we got home, and had delicious dinner (I have now eaten succotash!) and then I went and finished my book and then I came downstairs and got online.

Yep.

Now, I go to shower and to sleep and... shit. Ok.

Pack, shower, sleep, get up, get on the train...

NYC!

And dudes...

MoSex. I'm going to MOSEX!

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Whatthefuck at liking people over the internet.

It's weird, and sucks, and has nothing to do with what I'm going to explain right now.

I like it when people buy stuff for me. I like the concept, I like the action (assuming whoever is doing the buying isn't expecting to get anything from me for it), I like the feeling of it.

I like buying stuff for people, except when I'm broke, or headed in that direction. Then, I will do it, but I will think about it a bit too much.

There is something of a give and take in relationships (friends, fuckbuddies, lovers) in the monetary department, because that's just how they are, but that give and take makes it hard to know the meaning behind anything more than food if, say...

You have no idea what's going on/going to happen/isn't going to happen/what to hope for/what to hope against/what to smile at/what to feel bad about.

Especially when you only know that person through text on a screen.

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Yep, I'm fucking confusing. I swear I make more sense outloud/in person... if you know how to listen.

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Postpostscript:

I'm really REALLY in need of a good long *shower*. Storms and thoughts and lemon drops, no?