BreathingHard

Went to the movies yesterday night with Na, Rb, and Mo. Mo has had 'things' with 2 of my friends so far, Na is the one I was considering sexing, and Rb is someone I had heard about through mutual friends, but had never met. We met at the 2 dollar theatre and saw Robin Hood. All three of them fell asleep during the movie at various different times, though as we had missed the first 15 min anyway, they had no idea who anyone was as it was. I loved the movie, though I had the same general response to it now as I did last time... soulpain that I could not live in those times. More soulpain because Na and Rb were having a little 'thing' in the movie theatre, and I was of course sitting right next to them. Not a hardcore makingout thing, and I'm not even sure they kissed at all. Just, cute-normal things that girls and guys and guys and guys and girls and girls do with the people they like.

That I have never gotten to do. I'm heading to 'never will' get to do, because the time in my life where that is the norm is ending.

This was my last summer to try and fit in a teenage romance, and it hasn't happened. I know its a bit odd to be caught up in the concept, and most of those who read this won't understand it, because they have had it.

But it matters, to those who haven't.

So, my heart hurt kind of a lot. Luckily, I had seen the movie before because if I hadn't I would have missed some of it.

We went out to Denny's after, and DH (of my previous posts) showed up. Rb and I had talked before and we were both against him coming, but Na invited him anyway.

Na, Rb, and Mo had read or been told of the attempts and text-sexing by DH as previously posted here, and DH's first words to me (after complaining/remarking outloud how I had sat as far away from him as possible), were asking if I had really had no reaction to his texts.

Short version is, NO, I had none. Then the group talked about other stuff throughout the late night, with me getting really creeped out by the mournful staring of DH.

I found that I liked Rb, she was very nice and somewhat reserved (which I have a feeling she is not all the time, but was that night), and we bonded a bit over being the only girls out that night.

As we all split up into the night, the guys all went to DH's for gaming and alcohol, and I took Rb home. Was a fun night in all, though the severe attack of heartpain preeeeetty much sucked. Good that I had friends to text me through it.

After I dropped Rb off, I drove around for about 50 min, maybe more, maybe less, all around. Hit all of my favorite windy-twisty roads, listened to music eventually, talked to my soultwin a bit.

Got home around 3:30 am, fell asleep around 4am.

Had THE MOST vivid dreams that I didn't fully wake up until 4pm. Intense, amazing, so very very vivid. I can remember the taste of the food, the feel and smell of the books, so much detail. I also kicked EVERYTHING off the bed, and remember waking and turning and falling back in anywhere around 20 times in the morning.

Got up enough to get some food, then back to bed to read about the psycology of the home environment, structure, and design. Some extremely interesting insights into humans, and why some houses feel like 'home' to me even as I enter them for the first time.

Also started reading Charmed Thirds, a sequel to Sloppy Firsts (one of my fave. teen books), then got up and took a shower around 7pm, then to visit with H.

We went to Half Price Books, where I bought a CD and phrasebook on Hindi, one womans story of her life in India as a traveller (With the kama sutra under my arm), and Eat, Pray, Love (that H is borrowing).

Then, we went to Lovers to see if they had anything we wanted, plus, as a preferred customer, I get 20% off on first tuesdays. Sadly, they did not have what I wanted in stock (box), so I didn't buy anything.

On the other hand, I did run into Ma and St! Ma is one of the 4 guys I would have sex with, and also holds the dubious honor of being the only person to have ever massaged my ass. He was buying a birthday present for Ra, his bff. St is an old friend of mine from church that I hadn't seen for awhile, but still love. We talked about church camp and dildos for a bit, my heart in my throat and pure hapiness.

(Ma, Na, Tau, Sa (+4))

I introduced H, and we all chatted for a little bit. We headed upstairs to do a little more shopping, but Ma and St needed to head out to go see some strippers for Ra's b-day party. We hugged goodbye.

I cannot explain how much seeing Ma again startled/overjoyed/scared/euphorised/what.the.fucked me, except to say that I felt like I couldn't take a breath for at least an hour afterward.

I wonder how significant it is in my psyche that, of the two in my four who have expressed vocally their appreciation of my body, they are the ones I, on a pure physical level, 'lust' for the most. I don't even know if I would/could classify it as lust... more like they make me happy to see, to be around.

Also, praises to past-me for making sure I had a hot outfit on tonight, and that my hair was dealt with. I really, REALLY, REALLY appreciated it.

'God I love your breasts.'

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I'm a bit worried about H, but I think she will figure it all out.

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Tomor-Today, I take my gma to get her surgery, then take her home a couple of hours later, then stay with her for a bit.

Then, maybe, head to my aunts again.

Then, Saturday, Si and I are going to see camp people on V island :D (Ma and St will both be there).

Sunday, Ren Faire?

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Sometime soon, before I head out on the 13th at least, I'm hoping to have a Porn and Pizza party. *crossing my fingers!*

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Now, to try and sleep. Maybe a book or two before bed?