Virginity

I am considering having sex with a friend of mine.

Wow was that interesting to write... I don't even know anymore.

I always swore I would wait, find someone I really and truely cared about, THEN fuck until neither of us could walk. For days, preferably.

But now?

Now I'm 19. I have no idea when I am going to die or why, and I am STILL a virgin.

I'm sure if I live to 30 this post will be hilarious. "Oh, I was so young and naive"

But on the off chance I die before that point, I don't want to die a fucking virgin.

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I know I won't. Too many of my friends have relayed their experiences to me over the years and said... "I'm so glad I waited for ____" or "I wish I had waited."

But I am lonely. And tired of going to sleep at night feeling the phantom-person-who-should-be-there-but-isnt.

Tired of too-vivid dreams (not sexual for the most part) that I wake up from and hate the world I live in.

Tired of too-vivid dreams (sexual for the most part) that I wake up from and punch my pillows.

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I wasn't as burnt as I was afraid I was... the burnt bits had mostly faded by the next day. Now my back is a lovely tan color!

Went swimming today at my grandparents place and hopefully got some color on my front... Hopefully.

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What. the. fuck. at my moods recently.

Went toy shopping last night with K and T, muchmuch fun :D. No money so no new things for me, but the stuff I have my eyes on is MUCH more expensive than normal so I'm going to have to start a new savings fund just for them.

Had a fantastic time, eventually searched out food and it was SO GOOD. Dammit, now I'm hungry.

Anyway.

Found a FANFUCKINGTASTIC corset that fit me AND T, which if you knew the both of us would be amazing.

Made us look amazing.

And then we looked at the price tag...

Not going to happen. $200 isn't really that much, really, esp. not for a corset that is THAT well made, buuuuut I don't have it.

At least, not to spend on an admittedly frivilous item.

So I spent money only on food. Omnom food.

And found out that because of my Preferred Customer status, I get 20% off on first tuesdays. Plan? I think yes.

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Now, I need to go eat something.

I've been crying recently too. Or not quite crying, but tearing up for unknown reasons, or if I get frustrated at all, or if I'm just tired... this is NOT normal. And I would like it to stop.

Food. Now.

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Also, can I say how happy I am that I have friends that argue with me over who will rule Hell once we get there?

So far we have a polygamous lesbian marriage planned. I get the sexy stuff, M gets the gory stuff, and Bobby gets the 'supernatural shit'.

Yep. Love my people :)