Chronology?

Where oh where did I leave off.

Right, well, got up this morning and went to the farmers market and got a cinnamon roll that was BIGGER THAN MY HEAD and ate it. Omnomnom. Various produce, and then back home... supposedly to do chores but I ended up taking a surprise nap so started them hella late. Finished them, then Ari came here and we talked...

Can I mention the hilarity of "Carolyn needs a bf"? (Again, who do I ask this to?)

Cause I find it pretty fucking AMAZING (in an ironic, kinda fucked up yet still something I laugh about because fucked up and hilarious are my specialities :D). The night that may or may not have been referenced but was indeed the time that I needed to drive or explode, it had been 5 days since I had had an orgasm. Plus I was really unhappy about situations that I could not change... combine these two things with T and Z saying things that hurt? Yeah, I was ready to blow the fuck up.

Apparently I have not mentioned this particular quote of mine enough, so I will say it again.

"I constantly feel like I am a ball of energy kept together by nothing more than skin and will. The only ways I have found of siphoning off enough for me to be able to function are as follows: run, drive, paint, sing, listen to certain songs on repeat, orgasm, laugh, cry, dance, write."

Quite literally, these things keep me functioning. And yes, I could probably use a boy/girlfriend, but I am just the right level of picky for myself, and far too picky for most other people. Physically? Taller than me, and I have to like their laugh. Mentally/Emotionally/Anything-else-ally? That is where the picky-ness comes in.

A quick shoutout here to my lovely Bobbysocks. No one who reads this, other than her, knows her, but she is my babygirl, Bobby, WitchBaby extraordinare. And, my beautiful warrior? I expect a rave name at some point :P

Back to the day.

Ari left to go back to collegeHome to deal with the shenanigans there, like having nowhere to sleep, and Si showed up.

I don't know if anyone who reads this blog has a friendship like Si, Kels, and I do, but I hope you do or you find one. She sees me naked and thinks nothing of it, she poops while I shower, follows me around the house while I try to find clothing, and tells me when I am being a dumb bitch. That kind of friendship, the kind that the three of us have? Talk about your blessings.

She picked me up, headed to Kel's place to help with pictures, then out to dinner. After dinner we go to Si's place to watch a movie, eat brownies, and in the case of Kel and I, have margaritas :). On the margarita front though, I was in charge of the alcohol content, so it was literally 2 gulps of alcohol for about half a pound of ice and some margarita mix :).

Watched Marley and Me, which while touching the first time... didn't really do anything for me the second time. Did make me wish I could come home and snuggle with Mambo, but as that is not an option... I'm in bed.

I don't think my blog is ever just the chronology of the day.

More quotes, from the beginning of this past school year mind you:

"I want to leave to re-invent myself. I hate that no matter where I go, who I meet, the new situations I get put in, I go back to my old standby of the girl who you can talk to about sex, about anything. Yes, I masturbate. Sometimes more than others, and no, I DON'T lie about it. For that, I am given secrets and insights and all those things people would rather have in someone else's head then theirs. Friend, I am. Lover, I am not. I love that people can talk to me, choose to share with me the details of their lives that they don't or won't share with anyone else, but it's like all I am is a secret receptacle. After they share its like they don't need me anymore, don't need the reminder of the secret they banished from their head into someone else's."

Definitely having that feeling... god. I love college, but it's so much just high school, lies and deceit and rules and unspoken sentences that truly change the room. At the same time, conversations that make my soul sing, and people that really make me laugh till I hurt.

"I close myself off from many things. I cannot deal with the pain and agony and hate and tears that seem to fly from others (countries, people, lovers, killers) so I focus on one or two things, get through the day; on to the next. Make people laugh, smile, be appalled at my ability to say what they think but won't say because it isn't socially acceptable. FUCK SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE. If you feel it, think it, want it, love it, hate it, need it, crave it, lost it, SAY IT. Not whatever society says girls or boys or men or women or children or straight or bi or gay or black or white or brown or in-between or ANYTHING says you have to say, say what you are, you feel."

What do you feel?