Long short day of ness...

I don't even know where to begin... I had class, we watched a Ken Burns film about WW2. Some pretty fucking heavy stuff, obviously, and it was really interesting listening from the perspective of A) having seen the film before and B) knowing some of the psychology behind it. Just really interesting and I think this class is going to depress me immensely.

Then went to seminar for the first time (fuck... I can't believe this was all today) and met my group. We don't present until the 6th and 7th weeks so I'm glad for that. My professor seems COMPLETELY not there. Understandably, as Lillian told me he had had a stroke a while ago, which prompted us talking about what it would be like if our parents got Alzheimer's. I didn't feel like being a pity party but I was def thinking... "Well, I watched my mom's body fail her as her brain did. Seeing her still in there with a body that killed her? Pretty sure that's worse."

So much of me stays within. I kinda hate it, but I would break people so easily... It's just easier to keep it in.

Why is interpersonal shit so FUCKING HARD. I just want to say things, but I can't because it violates social codes and would make people sad/offend them.

WHY DO I STILL CARE IF PEOPLE LIKE ME?

Fuck this shit.

Hopefully going running with Alex tomorrow, if I can convince myself I want to. I need to. Maybe I will swim? That would be fun.

Also went to my first class of Machiya or whatever... Not convinced I'm staying. I'm really interested in the work, but I HATE group work, and thats pretty much what it is. Lectures and group work. Fuuuuuuuuck.

Night