Odds Guy

Okso...

Babysat for the amazingkids in Large City.

Not sure why I try to be sneaky on this... but I try sometimes.

It was pretty fun, though my ribs do hurt today from the flying karate kick I got to the ribs from the younger one.

Got home late, passed out. Was woken at 7am by my dad cleaning out his closet... the closet that is separated from my room by 2in of drywall.

Was awake until church, did that.

Had brunch of nomnoms with my fam and then headed back here to continue cleaning.

Oh yeah, yesterday before the babysitting I had been up since 7 and cleaned hardcore for 3-5hrs in my room.
Today we tackled books.

FUCK. So far we have removed 5-8 boxes of books, and there are two mostly-full ones in my room. Only two and a half shelves more to sort though, so thats good.

I NEED to get my toys OUT OF MY ROOM.

Last time I was cleaning my room to this degree I packed them all up and gave them to a friend to keep safe until we were done.

Maybe this time just into my car will be ok?

I hope so.

Had a somewhat awkward conversation last night about my touching issues...

Ah fuckit. I'ma copypaste my parts.

--Okso here goes some explaining, which I would rather do with you online but this is what I've got to work with.
--Please understand, no matter what tone you read into this, I'm not trying to be offensive or rude or anything of the sort, in fact I can only blame myself for not explaining this sooner.
--I have issues with touch, specifically from guys. You, through no real fault of your own, do not yet have touch privileges.
--Touch privileges = I don't freeze up/freak out when someone touches me.
--There are no set guidelines, and no real way of consciously determining who is 'ok' and who isn't
--To clarify further, hugging is ok. If we are sitting on a couch and our legs our touching? Also ok.
--But at this point in our friendship, and until I say otherwise, anything else is not. If you have a question about whether something is ok or will bug me, please just ask.
--Hell, once you've read this feel free to ask whatever about it. I don't mind questions, obvs, but I really hope that all of that ^ isn't hurtful or badness making at all.

So... yep. That's possibly the best explanation for touch privileges I've ever written down, and its really not a great one.
It's hard to explain to those who don't have it something that is that innate to my 'self'.

---

Bleh.

I have no where to live (near college) but that might not be such a huge problem what with the part where I HAVE NO CLASS TO TAKE.

I'm currently signed up for the fall quarter of the three quarter class I took last year, but have no passion for it.

For all that I bitch about Consciousness class and it really was a stupid class to take for my first quarter...

I feel like I DID something in that class.

---

You know whats fucking insane?

When your (my) mind gets caught on one, potentially completely offhand remark, and lodges there.

You know, lodges in the parts of me that I had figured out, or accepted, or decided were livable with.

Decision against children? Hooked in.

My voice? Hooked in.

And the motherfucker doesn't even know it, and probably never will.

---

Er2:
I've played according to the odds my entire life and it hasn't gotten me anywhere

Me:
'played according to the odds'?

Er2:
'most likely not going to work/.end in disaster... ok time to go kill us some emotions...'

Me:
That's pretty much what my brain is like. I wish you luck in the not doing that section of the brain!

Er2:
this time it kind of went 'I'm gonna ask her out!' "you know... this is not gonna-" 'SHUT THE FUCK UP ODDS GUY!'

Me:
THATS PERFECT.

And then I quoted it. Cause, you know... it is.
Perfect.

It's what my brain does/has done/will continue to do.

But my brain does it suddenly.

Sometimes, literally over night.